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  • Writer's pictureLisa Jones

What's holding you back?

As Autumn approaches you may be thinking about tidying your garden and cutting back the growth from the Summer months. Someone once said "weeds are just plants we don't like" - and this is true. Depending on your garden style, whether it's house plants, a window box or a small patch of land, we keep it how we like it.

So what about the weeds in your life? There's nothing bad about any greenery but if we don't like it we either don't grow it or we remove it. We seem to be reluctant to do this sometimes with things in our lives such as, a job, an activity, a person or an item. Some are easier to shed than others!

People we no longer want in our lives are the hardest ones to cut back. From the hairdresser we have grown to like but we don't like the way they cut our hair (or vice versa) or a partner, we grow out of some relationships over time and as we get older it becomes more difficult to end things. We convince ourselves things aren't that bad or we have a long history that seems too valuable to lose. These are little lies we tell ourselves to avoid a potentially painful ending.

The question to ask is how would my life be without this person? It's similar to weeds in the garden - maybe some weeds are holding back the growth of a flower we love or maybe they don't negatively impact our flora by adding to the garden's diversity. We wouldn't think twice about cutting back the weed that is harming our beloved plant that we have nurtured over years. We are the plant we must nurture the most and it's an act of self love to remove harmful elements that hold us back.

This doesn't mean we are selfish, it means we are looking after ourselves. Creating boundaries that create less harm is a good first step but remember these are our boundaries and they're not always respected or adhered to by others. When will you cut back those weeds and allow yourself to thrive?

Here are some truths about good endings:

It's always painful for both parties

Honesty is the best way

A clean break creates distance

Don't blame the other person

Allow yourself time to grieve

If you have some weeds in your life, consider how life might be without them. Write down how your day might be if they weren't there. If you are thriving alongside them there may not be a need to remove them.

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