If you are reading this, you may be concerned about the time you spend looking at pornography online. The word “addicted” brings up lots of feelings, we associate it with serious substance abuse and sometimes we even use it to joke about our own harmless behaviour.
The way I define addiction is this: the behaviour is causing, or can cause, harm to your life and you have tried to stop but can’t.
If you are worried about your behaviour, ask yourself these questions:
Do I hide my activities?
What would happen if someone found out?
Could some of my behaviour be illegal?
Am I neglecting other parts of my life in order to look at porn online?
Could I stop if I wanted to?
Your online activities may jeopardise your health, your relationship, your job or your financial stability if you feel it’s getting out of control. So whether we call it addiction or a “bad habit” the question is this: Do you want to stop it?
You may not want to stop looking at porn online but your activities have been discovered by your partner or work. You promise not to do it again and find yourself seeking other ways of doing it without being detected again. This becomes a private struggle and even though you may enjoy it for brief periods, you feel guilty and secretive afterwards and vow to yourself you will not do it again. Until the next time.
This cycle of behaviour can lead to other ways of fulfilling your needs and perpetuates the harm you are causing to your life. You know it deep down but breaking the pattern is difficult. You may justify your behaviour to yourself; “It’s OK if no-one else is in the house”, “It’s not really cheating, it’s just a bit of fun”, “Everyone does it don’t they?” But still you know that sinking feeling when you regret your actions and start the cycle all over again.
If you recognise this in yourself, you may be addicted to this behaviour. You may have trained your brain to behave in this way, making it more difficult to stop – even if you wanted to. The good news is you can train your brain to not do it and you can explore the reasons why you started the behaviour in the first place.
Making the first step in admitting you need help is a big one and one that takes courage and self-care. There are some online questionnaires that aim to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive behaviour. One that has some thought provoking questions that may help you assess yourself is the ATSAC tool.