It’s easy to imagine that we are who we think we are to ourselves as well as other people, but is this really the case? Have you ever been told something about yourself that seems just plain ridiculous? You think; “They must be confusing me with someone else, that’s not me!”
But sometimes, it might be useful to listen to the feedback and really think about it, maybe you do reveal parts of yourself that other people can see but you can’t. If we flip it around and consider how you see other people in your life – it might be easier to understand. If you know someone who acts a certain way but just can’t see it themselves, you don’t think you have it wrong do you? You just know they can’t see that side of them.
By listening to feedback that is delivered in a gentle, caring way, we can expand our self-knowledge. In the same way, we can choose to share more of ourselves with other people, so they know us better.
The model, Johari’s Window (Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995), shows us these sides in a really simple way. It also tells us that however much we share or listen to feedback, there will always been hidden parts of ourselves (that only we know) and our “blind side” that we are unaware of, but other people can see. So, it becomes an ongoing process and a movement through to self-awareness.
As you can see from the diagram below, there is a fourth quadrant that neither we or other people can see, our subconscious. But as we explore and make realisations about ourselves, these move through to consciousness as well and continue the cycle. Again, there will always be 4 quadrants, so don’t imagine your window will ever be one wide-open self.
As an exercise, you can start to identify qualities you have in each of these areas. You can do this in a group or with one other person. Be careful though, the conditions need to be right in order to aid disclosure and feedback in a respectful and gentle way. After all, you will be sharing parts of yourself that you choose to keep hidden and you will be providing feedback to someone else who may not recognise what you are saying about them. Its also important to note that whilst people can provide feedback to you, you get to choose if you accept it or not. This can be tricky as it’s called our “blind spot” – but if you don’t agree with the feedback, believe it to be wrong or don’t feel ready to accept it – you can reject it.
This exercise is best done with the 55 adjectives listed below. If you choose 5 for each of the left-hand quadrants for yourself, ask someone else to choose 5 for the top right quadrant. Once a word is used it cannot be reused. The remaining words all go in the Unknown area. Hopefully, it will promote some good conversation and some self-reflection.
able
accepting
adaptable
bold
brave
calm
caring
cheerful
clever
complex
confident
dependable
dignified
energetic
extroverted
friendly
giving
happy
helpful
idealistic
independent
ingenious
intelligent
introverted
kind
knowledgeable
logical
loving
mature
modest
nervous
observant
organized
patient
powerful
proud
quiet
reflective
relaxed
religious
responsive
searching
self-assertive
self-conscious
sensible
sentimental
shy
silly
spontaneous
sympathetic
tense
trustworthy
warm
wise
witty