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  • Writer's pictureLisa Jones

Can I just change a part of me?

Sometimes breaking down the different parts of ourselves can be useful in determining which parts we want to keep and which we want to change. Often, we can feel overwhelmed with feeling “all bad” or even “all good”.

A good way to illustrate this is by observing how we behave online. Using the main Social Media platforms, we might choose to show only one aspect of ourselves. A common criticism is that we only show the good side of ourselves which induces envy or FOMO in observers. A more sinister side to this is the troll, the angry, indignant part of ourselves which attacks others online behind the safety of a keyboard and screen and wants to provoke reaction. Would trolls want to be seen? Probably not because they represent just a part of themselves and not the whole.

Of course, we are not all trolls! Even the milder comments we might post on message boards, forums and Facebook might not be something we would say face-to-face. We might feel more confident to ask a question, or we might be more inclined to chat to someone who we would not talk to in person. This, more confident side, might be something we want to grow – but again, it’s not the whole picture.

In reality, we are made up of several parts, personalities, characteristics, moods, opinions and levels of confidence or insecurity. By identifying a part that requires change means focus and examination; how did that part of you develop? how much control do you have over that part? do you like that part? And exploring it further, what does that part look like? how big is it? what provokes it? By identifying this, you are much better placed to make a more informed decision when acting from this position. You might be able to consider what the consequences might be of acting from this part of you.

So next time you post something online, take a look at this part and ask some questions:

Do you really want to show this part of you to others?

Do you want to collaborate internally and present a wider view of yourself?

Can you challenge your own response and take a minute to re-consider?

Using this diagram, identify some parts of yourself. It might be a role you play in life such as Accountant or Volunteer, but it could also be Daughter, Mother, Father as well as Critic, Clown, Toddler. Maybe give them names and more characteristics to really be able to get to know them and understand them better.

As you begin to describe these parts, you may need to break them down further. As an example, I have identified “Father” as loving and worried.

Is there a part that is worried and a part that is loving? Add more segments to show this.

Next, colour code the wheel to show which parts are more hidden than others, the ones you like and the ones you want to change. The wheel changes as we go through life, so this is not a fixed list of the parts of you.

Remember, the central circle represents the Leader or Self. This is you - containing all the different parts that make you a whole person. You get to decide what parts are present, you get to decide what you show the outside world and you get to decide what parts you change or eliminate.

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